would you like to try the word "buzz"?

this is how i felt today, except i was in billy madison's place and my students were in his teacher's place.  they were not exacting their revenge on me, as billy's teacher was.  they were simply calling out random words for me to write in cursive during our daily 15-minute lesson.  for most adults, 3rd grade teachers, in particular, cursive is no big deal.  for me, however, it is a chore, an inconvenience, and a torturous task.

from 1st grade until the end of 5th grade, i looked forward to the day when i could "test out" of handwriting class and be allowed to write in print if i so desired.  thinking back, that was the silliest thing i've ever heard of. why would someone spend almost five years of their life learning cursive, only to cast it aside, never to be picked up again?  though i loved to look at the elegant arches and loops of my grandmother's writing, cast it aside, i did.  cursive was a hassle, because there was a perfect slant one had to attain, and print was not really an option, because it was so boring.  i had an important decision to make.  i soon settled into a wonderful conglomeration i call "pseudo-cursive".  it's quick and easy to accomplish and keeps your readers ever-guessing if you wrote  'r' or 'v' or 'e' or 'l'.

when i decided to become a teacher, pseudo-cursive stayed with me until i reached that class where we all had to complete a zaner bloser correspondence penmanship course.  it was several weeks long and was not what a 21year old girl wanted to be doing at night.  i survived without having to resubmit my work because it was "too sloppy".  i took pride in that, especially when i saw the cattiest girl in the program check her mail and gasp when she realized she had not done her best work and would subsequently be a week behind.

soon afterward, cursive became something i did only when instructing my students in this dying art.  that leads us back to today...

like billy madison, Zs get me.  Fs and Ts do too.  i don't have the patience.  for some strange reason, one of the kids asked me to write the name zane on the board during cursive time.  it was all i could do to keep it together to scribe that four-letter word.  i did it, nonetheless, but in my mind, i was thinking, "i hate cursive and i hate all of you!  i'm never coming back to school!  NEVER!"

once the lesson came to a close, i was back to my normal, pseudo-cursive-writing self and will be until 10:00 tomorrow morning.

the greatest lie i ever told

this week was the dreaded ACTAAP...the arkansas benchmark test...the monster that occupies 3rd-8th grade teachers' dreams from august to mid-april.  this was my 6th year administering this assessment and it never gets easier or more fun- unless walking around for four hours four (or five) days a week sans iphone is your cup of tea...  


come monday morning, my class had a serious case of ants in their pants.  that first day of testing was a nightmare, with students failing to use the silent signals i had spent all year teaching.  


"MY PENCIL BROKE!" 
"I'M HAVING ALLERGIES!"  
"DO I USE THIS SPACE AS SCRATCH PAPER!?!"


even with gentle reminders, these kids just weren't getting it.  i had to come up with something to steer their focus back to the task at hand.  unfortunately, my great epiphany did not appear until 8:19 tuesday morning, a mere 11 minutes before testing officially commenced.  i suddenly felt the need to moisturize my hands, so i turned to my favorite lotion, which had been a gift from a student this christmas.  as i squeezed a dime-sized dollop onto my palm and slathered it on, i was instantly enveloped in pomegranate-infused calm.  that's when it hit me!


i immediately went to carson, the coolest and cutest boy in my class and whispered, 


"hey, dude, i have some magical testing lotion for you.  it'll calm your nerves and help you not leave any answers blank.  tell everyone at your table."


he eagerly nodded, held out his hands, and leaned over to his elbow buddy to give her my message.


i made my way to each table and planted the secret to success in the ear of the most influential student in the group. pretty soon, everyone wanted just a tiny bit of this miracle elixir.  by the next day, 3rd graders stopped by my classroom because miss ellis' magical testing lotion had been the talk of the turf at recess.


i'm not going to say testing was perfect.  it never is.  one or two kids didn't finish a couple of multiple choice sections and a couple others decided to use their pencils as drumsticks.  what i remembered this week is that sometimes we all need a little encouragement to keep us going or even to get us started on a daunting task.  though a bit of hand lotion may seem trivial to an adult, it certainly reenergized 20 little test-takers and made their teacher smile 3 out of 4 test days!  considering the success of this experiment, i wonder if bath & body works would repackage "be enchanted" with my picture on it?

fun friday reading

since we spent every last minute this week preparing for standardized tests, i took the opportunity to read something fun.  if you haven't read this book or "a chocolate moose for dinner", you should.  they were written by fred gwynne, who played herman munster.  it made my test-stressed kids (and me) laugh 'til we cried.

are you gellin'?

like many teachers, i have an affinity for pens.  however, when a coworker stops by to quickly fill out a form and accidentally purloins my pen or a student sees a sharpie she just can't live without, my supply begins to dwindle. that being said, i hoard any pen i can get my hands on. 


recently, a pen famine has struck and i've been forced to use a pencil.  pencils are great if you like getting graphite stains on the pinky edge of your hand and subsequently on your stylish skirt from the limited, but pens are the preferred tool of writing in MY book. 


today, right as school was beginning, there was a knock on my classroom door. 


in walked the lady from the front desk with a basket decked out in easter decor.  "it's from your secret pal!" she announced in a sing-song voice.


i eagerly accepted the gift and the first thing i noticed was not one, not two, not even three, but EIGHT metallic gel pens!  the kind i used as a high schooler to write meaningful notes to my friends in study hall.  i could barely contain myself, but i held it all together in the name of my profession.


throughout the morning, it was all i could do to keep my mind off all the enchanting butterflies and flowing cursive letters i could be creating.  i even considered signing report cards with shimmering purple ink.  knowing that that would be completely unprofessional, i compromised and used every single color of ink to make notes as i conferred with my students.  i'm not going to lie- i also drew a sparkling pink heart on my left hand.

(that is as tan as this hand will ever be)

while getting a pack of pens might not mean much to some of you, i was catapulted back to the days when gel pens were everything and getting a note composed in that magnificent ink could change your entire mood.

Tales From the Classroom: The Freeze Dance

Picture this.

School has just started in the South, there’s a heat index of 115, and the only place your 3^rd graders have to play is a blacktop that is as torrid as the innermost circle of hell. They’ve been inside for four hours, recess has arrived, and they have a serious case of ants in their pants. You can’t take them out, so your only choice is to find some riveting indoor activity to hold their attention for the next 15 minutes.

What’s an innovative, classroom-ridden teacher to do? Why, she pulls out her iPhone, of course, and heads straight for the 80s playlist. It’s time for The Freeze Dance. Here’s how it works. You play a short clip of a song, pause the music, everyone freezes, then you press play again. It’s even more fun when you switch the song on them after the pause.

The first song you select is “Take on Me” by Aha. No one moves. No one is really quite sure how to dance to this epic 80s tune. No worries, you just move on to Madonna’s “Get Into the Groove”, and a couple of students start with a head move that’s reminiscent of A Night at the Roxbury. By the time you get to “99 Luftballoons”, you’ve got about 12 little Captain Kirks bouncing around the room.

It’s time for the grand finale. You can choose another great Madonna song or go for the kill with the Prince of Pop. Tough call, but you decide to go with “Thriller”, which is the quintessential group dance. Within seconds, you have 24 zombies staggering through your classroom and you have no choice but to join in. Forget The Freeze Dance. You’re all engaged in a full-out remake of MJ’s most famous music video. This indoor recess was a Top 40 hit!

(Photo Courtesy of http://latimesblogs.latimes.com)

beatles birthday

there is a 3rd grade boy-not in my class- that loves the beatles. when i say loves, i mean he wants to be paul mccartney. the only problem is, he has the brightest red hair i've ever seen and it's hard to understand him when he sings because he's so excited, everything gets all jumbled up. when he was in 1st grade, i found out that he was a fan of the fab four and we have had many discussions about our favorite songs, lyrics, and beatle. earlier this week, his teacher told me that he and i shared the same birthday- april 2nd. when he found this out, he brought me picture after picture of beatles- related things. here are two of the best pieces of birthday art i've ever received.

this is an octopus' birthday party (notice the underwater SCUBA "helments". this kid is really attentive to details.)

this is jeremy, the nowhere man, from the yellow submarine. i'll get another picture later of the beatles surrounded by the numbers 1-64, a tribute to the quintessential birthday/valentine's day song...

the revenge that never was...

this is a presidential tall tale written by one of my students in february for presidents' day. he researched JFK by himself...online, at the library, in all of the books about presidents in my classroom...and came up with this. here it is in its original, unedited, amazing form...

********

Now everyone knows the story of John F Kennedy- or so they think. But this is the real story. When Kennedy was a kid he got a football injury in his head, so he forgot some things. When he was on his way to Dallas he went to a buffet then he forgot to pay because his injury in football. When the owner Lee Harvey Oswald found out it was too late. He thought, “I’ve got to do something to get revenge.” So he got his gun and decided to go to Dallas. Well JFks football injury caused him to see in the future. He said to his wife Jackie, “let’s go to the car dealership, because the car we have might be a little dangerous.” So he got a hooded bulletproof car. When Lee Harvey Oswald shot the bulletproof car the bullet ricocheted and hit him in the eye. Later, lee Harvey Oswald died and john f Kennedy lived a long life.